Raviolis and Buff Triceps

by Kathryn Baldwin

This is what I looked like when I thought constructing raviolis from scratch would be as fabulous as woofing them down at Rocco’s Pizzeria.

I made a crater of flour, dropped some eggs into the well like I was Anne Burrell, kneaded until my arms were sore, and rolled until I was sweating.

An hour after the cooking endeavor began, my famished boyfriend took control of the rolling pin. I caught my breath on a stool and drank another glass of Apothic Red Wine while I stretched my triceps.

He wrestled those gummy globs until he got thirsty for another Corona and I took over again. Soon the bag of Stacy’s Simply Naked Pita chips were out on the counter and the filling for the unfinished pillowcases became an appetizer dip.

The outcome: beautiful pillows with chewy, rubbery, almost inedible, edges. Thus, I learned that adding too much flour and having no pasta-dough flattener attachment for my Kitchenaid is like going to the gym. Seriously, I felt like I needed a Whey protein shake after I finished constructing them.

I was definitely NOT Italian in a past life; or if I was, I was an Italian with celiac disease. And next time I passively take my boyfriend’s request for what I should make for my weekly, KathrynGuacamole lesson, I will do a little more research first.

Officially, the only thing I can promote about the recipe I used is the filling: it was fast, decadent, and contained a pound of Spinach. These are three things we will always agree on. I beg of you, buy some Spinach and add it to everything. Because at the end of the day, even if everything goes wrong, you can always look back and say, “Well shit, at least we mowed on hella calcium, vitamin K, and iron.”

           

PS: Please donate to my Kitchenaid, Pasta Roller Attachment Fund by leaving me a comment with your credit card number, expiration date, and security code. Thank you. Come again.

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2 Comments to “Raviolis and Buff Triceps”

  1. 4456-3000- wait?! What am I doing??? My instinctive reaction to spit out my memorized credit card number took over. That was almost bad!

    I think Paula (our only chance at a real italian!) has a pasta roller thingy, maybe you can ask to borrow until your fund grows large enough to get your own 🙂

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